Where to begin?
Friday morning I woke up and had breakfast, then I lazed around until I was sent to Mister Zol to get yeast and margarine. When I got back there was still 'nothing' to do. Of course I kept asking what I could do because if I don't ask then I get in trouble for 'being lazy and ungrateful' and newsflash - when I DO ask, I get called 'annoying and obnoxious.' Oh yeah, it makes perfect sense to me. Anyway, by the time Shabbos came in I was pretty much 'normal' (aka - not totally pissed off) again. I mean, I was really excited (cause I honestly do love Shabbos.) I got ready for shul, went to shul, got snubbed by my 'friends' (or should I call them acquaintances? Truth be told I haven't got anything to do with them, or anything in common with them. Aside from being in their general age-group.) Then we walked home to eat dinner.
I should have known things would go bad. First Ezri refused to sit at the table because of something. Then other stuff happened. In the end I wound up not eating anything aside from a bowl of chicken soup broth and then I had to either leave the table (due to disturbances at the table) or risk throwing up. Suffice it to say, I chose to leave. I went up to my room and paced back and forth. Then I tried standing out on the mirpeset but nothing helped. I couldn't chill and it was really annoying. So I decided to go for a walk. (Problem: where can I walk to? I have no friends and no where to go especially alone on a Friday night.) Where did I go? I walked around the block. Thought one of my neighbors would help cheer me up, but she was to busy being wrapped up in her own little world. (Surprise, surprise... Don't know why I let it get to me. It's not like she's ever there for me when I need her - though for some messed up reason when her other friends aren't around for her - I am.) Anyway, after being 'casually' dismissed by my neighbor I headed home to recruit Sammy's help in 'getting out' we decided to go out and sit on the 'street stairs' soon the whole troupe of my 'pals' appeared from within the confines of the Feldman house... They were going for a walk, did I want to come? I asked (implored and begged) Sammy to come and she actually consented. We walked towards Nofei Aviv, they were going to Yoni's place. I had absolutely no interest in going there, so we made good our getaway by telling Shani that we were going to visit Sara D. and we slipped off without anybody noticing. Of course as luck would have it (yeah, rotten luck.) Sara was already sleeping, this was a sure sign that things were really really boring in the neighborhood. Shani had said that she would wait 10 minutes for us, but by the time we got back to the place of meeting (about 6 minutes later) she (and the rest of the group) were gone. So, dejected and all alone we walked home, regaling each other with tales of 'how it could've been worse.'
Shabbat morning - woke up at 7:30 (yes, you'd better believe it - I was somehow STILL late for shul.) Didn't see anybody in shul. (Not that there's anyone to see...) Went home for lunch. Once again the meal was spoiled by stupid people's attitudes and idiocy. Went up to bed. Read until Sammy woke me up eating salad croutons (one at a time - and loudly crunching.) Then for some reason Brenda and Michal came to 'visit' us. From about 3:00 until Shabbos was over they entertained us (and themselves) or to be absolutely truthful - Brenda entertained everyone.
When Shabbos was over we headed to Shul to hear Eichah. The men who do the reading split it up by perek, and each reads their perek in a different tune. It was fascinating and moving. Reading Eichah is really a terrifying experience. All of the bad things that happened then, and sadly, in different sort of ways they are happening again today as well. It's a generally spooky feeling - yesterday, today and tomorrow are all joined together intricately and all we can do is remember the past while acting in the present and all for the sake of a better future.
Sheesh, life is confusing in the big picture. Maybe not having friends nearby isn't the worst of my trials and travails - I should remember that I do have friends, all around the globe (literally) and that even though they're far away that they are there for me and instead I should focus on some REAL issues that plague more than just me/myself and I...