Thursday, September 01, 2005

Brenda’s first day of school – My second day of tears…

I was woken up early this morning, because Mommy and Daddy were going to drive Brenda in to Jerusalem for her ‘first day/orientation at Chorev.’ We left the house at 7:45 and dropped Avi Chai Sunshiny Dibble Kid (who has only one name which is Avi-Chai and NOT Avraham!) off for his first day of Gan-Chovah. Then we headed into the city. (Have I ever mentioned that I HATE the city? I loathe it and I despise it! There is too much noise and too many people. I can’t stand it! Oh yeah, and have I mentioned that I have sealed my fate and now am forced to spend two years in Hell (the city) for the duration of my studies?!)

We made it to Bayit Vegan by 8:40, Shoshana and I got dropped off on Rechov Nezer David while Mommy and Daddy dropped off Brenda. Then they drove up to Rechov Yosef Chachmi to meet us. Why did we get out, you might be asking yourself?! Well, you see, Shoshana left stuff in the Afikei machsan at the end of last year and so we needed to pick it up. So, when Mommy and Daddy met us, we shoved all of the stuff into the car and drove over to my new apartment. We unloaded everything in three trips and finally got it all into the apartment. While Shoshana unpacked Mommy, Daddy and I sat around the dining room table. Daddy finally agreed to call Bezek about ordering the ADSL service. They said that we could pick up the modem whenever we wanted so we walked right over to Tachana Merkazit – to the Bezek store. Well, when we got there we had to take a number, and after waiting patiently for a long while we were informed that without permission from the Ba’al Ha-kav, we could not set up internet service nor get a modem from them. (Grrrr…) So we headed back to the apartment, and stopped along the way to buy some Bourekkas and “taste-treats” (pastries) for breakfast.

Back at the apartment, Daddy explained that now we had to set up an internet ‘provider’ and said that we should call ‘Barak’. We had a long argument over who should call, and he finally said to me “Lori, you’re just being shy. Why won’t you call the nice people at Barak? They all speak English anyway! You need practice talking to these sorts of people.” Finally he gave up, so I handed him the phone and he dialed, throughout the annoying menus he pressed all of the numbers as directed until finally he was put on hold for the right department. He said “come on, please talk to them…” So I took the phone and listened to the ‘hold’ music until a lady picked up, I explained what I wanted and she said “hold on, let me transfer you…” so I held on for a few more minutes and another lady picked up, she didn’t speak English so she transferred me to yet another person. Finally, I explained what I wanted and she said “ok, sure, no problem.” Finally, it was over.

Mommy and Brenda showed up then, and we all sat down to eat some pastries. Then Daddy drove Mommy, Brenda and me into Town and he headed Home (to pick up Avi-Chai from Gan.) We wandered around in Town, first we got a BIG backpack for Eli (who, as I have explained before will be dorming this year – and needs a large knapsack to shlep all of his dirty clothes Home in.) Brenda also wanted a knew bag (because she is starting junior high.) Then we headed over to the clothing stores, because Brenda wanted to get a new outfit for her Bat-Mitzvah. She finally decided on a very pretty robin-egg-blue wrap skirt and a pretty white stretchy shirt.

Then, we headed to Yafo to grab a bus back to tachana merkazit. A 21 pulled up so we got on. We got off at the T.M. and Mommy and Brenda headed inside to take a bus Home while I trudged on towards the apartment.

I arrived at the building as quickly as I could and I managed to restrain my tears until I was in my apartment. Once inside, the flood-gates opened wide and now four and a half hours later I am still crying. I still don’t understand why. It is puzzling to me, and yet I understand it perfectly.

I spent the summer at Home. I might have been bored, but it is my Home where my family is and where I know that there are people who love me. For some reason everything at Home is always better. There can be no place like it. (In fact, that is why it is so special. Every person feels that there Home is the best. Everyone is the most comfortable in that surrounding area of love and tranquility. Even if there is turbulence in the Home – they still know that there is an underlying current of unbreakable love.) Now, I am ‘stranded’ in Jerusalem, far away from my house and yet not far at all. To get there is easy but still it requires effort. I would much rather suffer boredom and mind-numbing nothingness in my house than anywhere else. I am doing exactly the same thing in my apartment that I would be doing at Home and yet, it seems so much harder in the apartment because it is NOT Home!

I know that this is just a phase and that once school starts and I have established a routine that it will be better, yet until then I cannot bring myself to accept the fact that I can no longer sleep in my bed every night, see Sammy, play with Avi, yell at Eli and Ezri and annoy Brenda. I can’t bear the thought that I can’t hop out of bed and wander downstairs in my pajamas to see Mommy smiling in the kitchen or outside playing with the cats, or go down to Daddy’s office and watch him surf the net or organize old receipts. I even miss the cats. And trust me, I can’t stand the cats, all they do is meow annoyingly, play with cockroaches and carry fleas, but I would love to be able to curl up on the big comfy sofa with Doosty on my lap, or sit on the mirpeset and watch Phudgy play.

All in all, I cannot deal with this being away from Home thing. I can’t stand being on my own again. I hate to be alone. I always have. And now, even though I have an amazing apartment-mate who is an amazing and unbelievable friend I can’t endure the thought of staying here. It is so far from everything that I love and everything that I want.

I want to go Home.

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