A few more hours passed more slowly than even a long fast day, and finally it was time to get ready for Shabbos. After changing my hairstyle three times and struggling into a pair of pantyhose I was ready to go. We decided to make our lives a little easier by taking a bus to Har Nof and then leaving our Cartisiot at the Segal’s so that on Motz”ash we could bus back. At the Segal’s we sat, talked and read stories to the kids, then we davened, ate the meal and had a great time. Finally at a little after eleven we started our long walk home. It was pleasant outside and the air was cool so the walk went by relatively quickly. Alas, once back in the apartment I was unable to sleep. I lay in bed for hours until by some miracle sleep overtook me for a few blessed hours. Six hours later I was already awake and the now familiar sensation of acid in my gut was already in full swing. “Why is the lamp on? Because it is Shabbos, and I couldn’t turn it off last night. If it is Shabbos, then why are you here and not at Home? Because I am staying with Shoshana and going to Har Nof for my meals and I ‘m having a great time. Oh, really – then why is your stomach in knots and do you start crying every time you think of being at Home and at the thought that you could have been Home right now? I don’t know.” That is the conversation that played over and over in my head an incalculable number of times in the three hours that I lay in bed unable to sleep on that Shabbos morning.
Finally, I got up and davened, then at 10:00 we left the apartment. I was afraid to stay any longer lest I start crying and refuse to go anywhere. We walked all the way back to Har Nof and arrived at the Lauffer’s right on time. Lunch was really nice and after the meal we decided to walk back to our apartment. For the three hours that we were in the apartment I sat in the dining room trying to read Tigana and drinking seltzer, the words on the pages blurred and all I could think about was the good chance that at the very same moment as I sat in my apartment, Avi Chai and Daddy were sitting and drinking the same thing as me, Avi Chai having Petel and Daddy drinking a cup of seltzer. Suffice it to say, I cried again.
Finally we could leave the cursed apartment and head to the Segal’s for Seudah Shlishi. A 40 minute saunter in the sun can work wonders for even the most depressed of people, and by the time we got to the Segal’s I was in high spirits once again. We ate and laughed and read some more to the kids. It was a most enjoyable experience. After Shabbos we reclaimed our Bus cards and (reluctantly) left the warm atmosphere of the Segal’s home. The bus ride back was uneventful and back in our apartment I called Mommy and spoke to her until Savta commandeered her attention, at which time I got into PJs and forced Shosh to watch ‘Ever After’ with me. After the movie, I was exhausted (you would think that in that case I would have gone straight to sleep….) well I crawled into bed, convinced that I would be asleep within seconds but as the minutes and then hours ticked by, I got annoyed. Finally at almost 2:30am I fell into an uneasy slumber. By 6:00am I was awake and there was no hope of sleeping more. I tried to pick up my book to read but my arms were too tired, I propped it up on the wall and started reading – exhausted and yet unable to sleep I lay there for three hours.
But that I think is enough for this post. For we have already reached tomorrow…