Ever have one of those moments? Ever have one of those hours? Ever have one of those days?
Ever have one of 'those' consecutively for a month?
I feel like I have.
Nothing seems to go right anymore. I can't be happy because I'm always too sad. I am always so sad because I miss being happy. I am always tired and I feel the negative weight of the world on my shoulders. No matter how hard I search for the good and I search for the light, it eludes me.
I feel like I am playing a losing game of cat and mouse only I am the mouse who is trying to catch the cat.
This is not going to have a happy ending.
I can tell.
More later - after the fires and some brooding in the moonlight. Later, when my clothes carry the scent of smoke and all that occupies my mind is the hypnotic vision of the flames and a lullaby.
Maybe then things will be more clear.
Though, my hope is failing.
I feel I am losing.