Thursday, May 04, 2006

For You. You Know Who You Are...

My Pathetic and sad attempt at voicing conflicting emotions...It doesn't do them justice - or maybe I am just a silly girl. Prose is not a strong point and I wonder why I write at all - but like you said, it's a 'healthy' way to get it out. But I must admit, not so sure anymore, though I never was sure to begin with...

When spoken words do fail and the night has fallen down
When thoughts are left unspoken and in fantasy you drown
When the darkness seems unending and from all held dear you shy
Don't turn to me and ask me, I truly don't know why.

It was a fleeting thought, a daydream gone to far
It was akin to a firefly and the light of a shooting star
It was a hope in the darkness - a reach for some light in the dark
But it cannot be is what you said and proved it clear and stark.

You wanted me to hate you, you wanted me to leave
You wanted me to love you and for that I grieve
You want to live your dream out - to make everything 'just so'
I think you just don't see it - and so you'll never know.

Confusion stirs among us, an enemy a foe
Confusion is a feeling and one that I well know
Confused indeed and then again I have become undone
And all because I was too 'right' and could not be much 'fun'

A shame I think, a crying shame to suffer so much pain
To throw yourself once and again and get caught up in the game
It need not be like this you see, though pain cannot not be
Alas, you're lost and so confused and there's no end in sight for thee.

'We' you said, but 'you' you meant - for 'us' and 'our' too
Who were you thinking of I wonder, though I don't wish that I knew
Too many double meanings, to much play with words
It is a game I can play well, when I choose to play at all
Words are a danger, thrown right they hurt and more
But the saddest words are wasted words for they never do get far

And still I sit and wonder, I ponder and I think
A fleeting thought, A wisp of thought and from it I shrink
I cannot bear to think it I cannot bear to try
And so I will do as you implored and will not wonder why.

My conscience overwhelms me I listen to its voice
Though truth be told - I'd be insane to take the other choice
I'll be here as always - though I won't wait forever-more
And - one day as I said, if you were to knock upon the door
And ask again I promise you a plea I'd not ignore

Worry not oh Prince of Thieves though you may not understand
Everything is quite alright and my heart is well in hand
For 'our' sake I'll let you go though you were never mine
I am not at all stupid, nor am I so blind.

Not fair to you not fair to me - life is hard you see
How did all this turmoil begin over nonexistant little 'we'?
I thought that you were joking when you first said anything
Sure that you were mocking and trying just to sting

I'm still not sure - though that may hurt, I mean no disrespect
Words you see are imprecise and so is their effect
To touch - a barrier I dare not to cross or let fall
It cushions me from the harshest of the pain, the hurt, the fall

You wanted me to go away - to spare us both the pain
So I'll comply but you know well, I won't do it again.
Be a friend for now - that's good. That's all I really need.
Though I would like more if there could be more - 'just a friend' is good indeed.

Go away and have your fun and in due time you'll see
what you want and what you need and who you need to be
Journey safely I implore, on this dangerous expidition
To find one's self is a long long road and an awfully trying mission.

And if you need a friendly ear, and silly chitter-chatter
Or someody to listen when something is the matter
Don't be shy and don't hold back I'm good at quiet-time
But this ball is in your court and I don't want it in mine.

You have my number, you know where I live. And, though I know how busy you are and especially now with everything that is going on - For now, I will wait. You decide this one. I won't bother you unless you want to be bothered.

Just one thing - please, if you DO decide to disappear - please be sure to say goodbye and slam the door on the way out for good measure.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

i do know who i am...
but what am i to say to that?
i know that it hurts and i know that it is wrong, but i did not want to go without you knowing the truth.
i will be calling, and i will be by, sometime. but do understand...
you are so much more then you think. and being "right" at times is so much more important then beeing "fun".
dont ever stop being who you are,
it is not that you are "not fun"...