Friday, May 05, 2006

To Waltz Among the Ruins...

First of ALL - for the record - The last Thursday of May is the 25th and Shavuot is actually the first Thursday of June. So, Essentially, I have two Thursdays off in a row. YAY! Maybe I'll get to go to the B______... (Even if I do have to go by myself.)

So, last night I received an e-mail from a friend in response to my post. This friend is very dear to me and I realized upon reading the letter that I wrote the poem more for ME than anyone else. Though, it is meant to speak to everyone and certain people in particular - it's convoluted and its double entendre helps it go both ways.

I marvel at humanity once again. We honestly do not realize our value. Our mere existence can touch others in ways that we can not imagine. In my mind, I am just a girl. A plain old, stick by the rules, boring sort of person. Of course, that is not true or rather that is true but only to an extent. Words are finite. Putting feelings into words limits them. That could be the reason it helps me focus everything and consolidate my emotions.

I made a desicion last night. Though, I must adimt, I've made it before - and though it seems to always be the plan - the execution is the hardest part. In the response that I sent back to my friend I stated simply, "The sun will come out tomorrow. I am simply waiting for tomorrow. Though, I am realizing that truthfully - there is a chance however slight, that tomorrow will not come. For that very reason I think I shall learn to sing in the rain. Sometimes I suppose you just need to get up and go with it. If you can't control it - don't let it control you. The raindrops may fall, the thunder may crash and the world may be torn asunder - but I shall sing and dance like it is a bright spring day. At least, that is my goal." It is lofty, I know. It is a lot to ask of one person, but being the perfectioninst that I am, how can I ask any less of myself?

I am still out to save the world - that is my ultimate goal. I have yet to figure out the means, but the end (though far off in the distance) is firmly established in my mind. And, if being human means only being able to get as far as I can get - I will not let that drag me down. I can not afford to. I will put my all and then some into it - because that is me. In essence. Don't worry though, I do follow my own advice and take care of myself as well.

I know that if I do not have me - I do not have anything. I wouldn't change me for all the money in the world. I have worked too hard to become myself. The only thing that could make me change, was if I realized a failing or a shortcoming in myself - as I would then try to fix it.

I want to be the best me possible. It will be a reality one day. Of that I am certain. But, it takes time as does everything that matters and it will be hard as is everything that counts.

For now, I'll stop trying to dodge the raindrops. I love the water, I love the rain and for Heaven's sake I love me!! And now that there is all of this loving going on, I'd like to share a special something with you. I hope it isn't disappointing in its simplicity - but I've found that the spoonful of sugar is sometimes the only way to go...

Easy Coffee Cake:
2 cups Bisquick Pancake mix (I've included a 'make your own' sort of thing for those of us who are chalav yisrael, or just don't have bisquick...)
2/3 cup milk or water
2 Tablespoons Sugar
1 egg

Basically, just mix it all together and pour it into a pan (usually a 9 x 1.5 inch round pan)

Then for the topping (the best part!!)
1/3 cup Bisquick mix
1/3 cup brown sugar
1/2 teaspoon margarine
Mix it until crumbly. DON'T over-do it. You want crumbs, not a smooth mixture (I speak from experience) If you'd like, use a pastry cutter... :)

Sprinkle the topping on the cake and bake at 350 F (170-180 C) for 18-22 minutes(ish.)

The make your own mix goes as follows (you need to double it and a bit to make the cake, but you'll figure it out...)
1 cup flour
1 Tablespoon baking powder
1.5 teaspoons salt
3 Tablespoons shortening (oil, margarine, butter... whatever makes you happy or whatever you have in the house...)

Have a great Shabbos! I am so glad that it is finally here. Though the week flew by, it took a very long time to do so. I'm off to file memories and to clean up the mess I've made inside. I hate cleaning, but seriously, it is SO much nicer when everything is where it belongs.

When things are clean, (and there are no cats in the house) you can even leave the door open. Alas, the felines ruin everything - and so, I shall have to get by with the window alone. It is open as always. And the sunlight is pouring in.

I'm off. Enjoy.

The end...

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