Thursday, June 15, 2006

Not Even Considered for the Game Plan...

Imagine my surprise and delight when I woke up and had three non-junk e-mails in my inbox. Like, REAL e-mails written by REAL people! It was quite thrilling. One amused me, one was from my sister and the other wasn't supposed to be there. Confused and fuddled I started my morning...

Geulah and Town with Shosh - looking for shoes. I even found a frummy but CUTE blue n' white striped shirt.

So, after walking into the Yeshiva I finally tracked down the Rabbi dude. Yeah, all I got out of the meeting was to smell like cigarettes and choke on smoke.

Why can't I just find an appropriate Prince Charming without having to go through this Hell?! AND - even more than that - I know I haven't even begun to feel the pain. I am NOT looking forward to this because it ALREADY sucks - BIG TIME.

Went out for dinner, ran into Michalie and her family (they went to eat at the same restaraunt as us - for Michalie's birthday.) After dinner we strolled over to the theater and saw JEST's performance of "The Action Against Sol Shulman." It was relatively well done - though the speech was just a tad too formal and stiff. Of course, there were the ironically amusing parts - like where certain people showed up and I had to try not to cry for want of things lost to me.

I am struggling here. I finally made a really good friend. Someone with whom I am very close. She understands me and I understand her. And now - thanks to 'the next stage' - she is going to be taken from me. It is beginning to depress me to no end.

I don't have what I want. I can't have who I want. I'm not sure where I want to be. I don't know when things will sort themselves out and most importantly, I can't fathom the 'why's.

I'm sinking but I should be happy.

Strange thing is - I feel happy.

What a sadist I'm turning out to be...

1 comment:

Flying Disaster said...

Missing u tons Lori...thanks for all the chilling time this week and for finding my 2 new pairs of shoes- they r so girlie...ahhhhh....well if u want u can come to the zoo on sunday ;)...wouldn't that be fun...well have a great shabbos