Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Ladybugs at the Picnic...

Yesterday was kind of awful. I know, it's funny for me to blog in the morning because it means I haven't experienced a whole day - but considering my track record recently, if I find time to blog at any point that's better than not blogging at all. Of course, that doesn't mean that I actually have anything to say.

See, I'm blogging instead of showering (you REALLY didn't need to know that - especially since it's the second time this week - which I REALLY didn't need to remind you of.) For some funny reason, the unwritten rule in the building is that as soon as we pay our vaad bayit they turn off the heat and the hot water (it's one of those 'we have the money, let's run with it' things.) I'm not sure why we pay so much for absolutely nothing. I'd rather buy pizza with those shekels, but I guess it's not really up to me. (Stupid vaad bayit.) Point of this ramble being - in addition to camping out on the floor of my living room near a little space heater, there is no hot water to shower with. If I'm lucky there will be some tonight (trust me, this is also for the benefit of my coworkers and anyone else who has to be in the vicinity of me.)

Yesterday I cried 5 times for no apparent reason. I also had 2 screaming mental break downs. Must be hormonal, or pressure. The thing I don't understand is what pressure I have. It doesn't make any sense to me. Everything in my life is going right and all I can do is cry about it?!? Something doesn't seem to add up. *sigh* The biggest problem being that I don't know what I can do to fix it!!!

I could really use some pizza or some ice cream or even a really good hot chocolate now (yes, I turn to 'comfort' food in moments of sorrow) but I'm being a good girl and steering clear of all dairy until further notice. (Which will probably be until I get Home and Mommy says she made something special for me like lasagna or baked ziti or macaroni & cheese...) But for now it's been a week and a half of dairy-free-ness, so no comfort from that corner.

In addition, the one person who could probably keep me sane is more free than they have been for the last 10 months but is so busy enjoying their freedom that they seem to have forgotten about me. I know that seems unfair and that they haven't and that they do have their own stuff to take care of and really they're wonderful and have done SO much to help in such a short time that it's unbelievable and it's not exactly like I've made an effort to go and see them but it's really really hard, and I can't figure out why. (Which is a problem. It seems to be a problem that I can't figure out how to solve the problem.)

Today I'm taking an hour or so long lunch-break to meet up with Tanya. I'm so excited! Spending time with her is always fun and relaxing, so I'm very much looking forward to it. I wonder what we'll go find to eat, it's hard cause I want to steer clear of bagels, pizza & ice cream which are kind of all the options nearby.

Anyway, it's 8:50 now and I suppose if I'm going to walk to work (because I feel stupid for having taken 4 buses yesterday) that I should probably put on something a little warmer than pjs and maybe some shoes while I'm at it.

And one of my teddy bears is staring at me. He seems to be saying, "maybe today you'll take me to work with you so that you'll have someone to hold when you burst out in tears..."

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