Monday, December 12, 2011

~ R A N T ~

My little corner of the universe means MY place to share the thoughts in MY head. If you don't like it STOP reading - but don't you dare read and complain.

I'm lying awake at 2 in the morning (again) because I'm in excruciating pain and nauseous beyond belief.

So I'm thinking to myself - it's kind of ironic that people ask how you're feeling but don't actually give a hoot what the answer actually is. Oh yeah - and even when they insist that they want to know the whole truth and nothing but the truth - they really don't. They just want to think that your life is full of rainbows and puppies and kittens and all sorts of happy flowery good-feelings and stuff.

Well - you know what?! Even though it might be beneficial for me to pretend to everyone in the outside world that everything is hunky-dory it isn't.

That's just the depressingly annoying truth.

Sure there's tons of good stuff going on - but it doesn't negate or outweigh the bad stuff that I'm dealing with.

Quick List of the physical 'bad stuff' I'm trying to work through:
Extreme nausea (for going on 6 months - and yes - I AM medicated, but it doesn't really help much), a return of all fructose-symptoms (including the nasty rashes, insomnia, lack of energy, severe eczema, and digestive issues - but I'm still unable to stomach protein such as eggs/meat - so going back on 'the diet' is out of the question because I won't be able to get the right vitamins/minerals or even consume enough carbs/calories in a day), my pelvis is quite literally falling apart (physical therapy and orthopedist referrals in my possession but it's too hard to drive 40 minutes to see a dr) - and there's more but I won't bore you with the nitty-gritty details.

All I'll say is that I KNEW my body hated me and that's why I pushed certain things off for a few years - but stupidly I charged ahead when things were finally feeling good/stable assuming that things would sort themselves out and for some (not so hard to understand) reason - at this point I'm regretting my decision. A lot.

Also - I'm sick of being told that I'm a wuss and a cry-baby because I'm feeling this way. Pain is REAL people - and it would be nice if you could be sympathetic at the very least! Maybe I don't have your super-hero complex or your impossibly high pain-threshold - but when I am hurting it is a VERY real pain to me - so have some mercy and stop comparing me to my sister / your other friend / yourself / a cat that's been run over 3 times but is not quite dead yet.

If I've neglected to call you to thank you for sending me things I wasn't expecting that I only found out about while discussing a different topic with somebody then I'm sorry. If I've forgotten to return your call because I was sleeping at some seemingly 'early' hour then I'm sorry. If I've forgotten your birthday or anniversary I'm sorry. If I've neglected to come and worship at your feet (because I have enough trouble trying sit up - let alone kneel down) then I sincerely apologize.

15 minutes of typing and I don't actually feel any better. Go figure...

At this point in the game I'd usually just delete this entire post, put the computer down, turn over and stare at the wall until the sun comes up in a few hours - then when tomorrow has blossomed into a new day I'd go back to pretending that everything is juuuuuust dandy.

However - on this super-special occasion - I think I'll post this anyway - because it's 2:24 in the morning (again) and I'm sick of being awake at this ridiculous hour.

If you're 'expecting' a call from me today/tomorrow (whatever date you want to call it) it'll have to wait. I've got to spend a few hours on the road (probably mostly spent in agony/nausea and a relentless wave of puking thanks to the vicious motion-sickness that has intensified to a debilitating level) all to go to the bank to deal with something ridiculously stupid that should be able to be dealt with in a simple fax but which this country insists on making 40x harder than it needs to be.

In short - I'll try to call in the afternoon - if I'm still functional.

And if it sounds like I've been crying - that's because I have been.

No comments: