Monday, October 29, 2012

Rationale

It rains and pours. Winter comes. It's getting chilly. The sun is shining today, so I should be happy. I should do something useful and productive. Why not bake bread? Or cook for shabbos? Or clean up? Too much effort. Forget the parties and gatherings - far too much work and no appreciation.
I painted my nails teal - but when they were done I realized that I wasn't really feeling the color. Oh well, it'll peel before the week is out. I'm sure of this because dishes are never-ending, laundry keeps piling up and the bathrooms still need to get cleaned.
Game night doesn't look feasible this year. People keep cancelling their plans. Everyone is advancing except for me. Stuck. Here. Nowhere to go. Nothing to be proud of or to look forward to.
And the noise. I wish I could just stop hearing. My head hurts so much I can't hear the sounds that I used to love - water rushing, wind blowing, birds singing, the blessed sound of nothing. Ear aching empty nothing. I dream of it - but still I don't hear it.
Pizza and wine for breakfast. That will solve everything. Won't it? Buzz seems to think so. Or at least that's all he's offered so he'll take what he can get. It's a shame that we're out of donuts.

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